Brown underwear Day # 2

Regular readers of this Blog will no doubt recall my encounter with armed customs officers not long after I arrived in the Magic Kingdom.

Last month I had another bad day in the line of duty and although things turned out alright, I wasn’t so sure of that at the time.

The eventful day began with me flying to a remote city called Al Jouf in the North of Saudi Arabia, near to the Iraq border. Before I flew I had been warned that this region was particularly anti-American and had a reputation of being the home to many Al Qaeda training camps and hardliners. As you can imagine therefore, I was really looking forward going there.

I arranged for the company I was meeting to send a driver to pick me up from the airport. I even let my beard grow for a week before I flew especially as I had been told by many Arabs that with a tan and sporting a beard, I looked like I was a Jordanian Arab! This, I hoped, would prevent any potential kidnappers or “white boy haters” from noticing me.

Problems started with the flights. The only available flight from Riyadh to Al Jouf departed at 6am. Even worse, the only available flight back left Al Jouf at 11pm. So I was prepared for a long long day.



Al Jouf has a small airport located in the middle of the desert approximately 20 miles from Al Jouf city. When I arrived, I was glad to see the driver waiting for me (he was holding a placard saying Mr Austin Steward Boy– MYI !!!!!) and we made the drive into Al Jouf where I met with a very pleasant Saudi regarding a defective American car which had crashed, killing the driver.

By 11am we had concluded our business, but the Saudi was generous to let me stay in the office until it closed at 5pm. He actually took me out for a great lunch at a fabulous traditional Arab restaurant (sitting on floor eating with our hands….).

When the office closed at 5pm, the Saudi offered to drive me to a local hotel so that I could relax before getting a taxi to the airport. Foolishly, I decided against this. I requested that he drive me to the airport where I would just sit and wait until my flight at 11pm. I explained that I had a good book to read and would at least be able to get something to eat and drink at the airport.

At 5.30pm we arrived at the front of the airport building and said our goodbyes in the car. As the very pleasant Saudi gentleman drove away, I waved goodbye and reflected that my day in Al Jouf had been very pleasant and without incident…….little did I know!

I walked to the front entrance of the airport….and it was locked shut! I peered inside, not a soul was to be seen. The lights were on but definitely no-one was at home!

Oh shit! I thought. Peering into the departure lounge I could see the departure/arrivals board. Only 2 planes were scheduled to depart or arrive all day…and they were both my flights!!!

It slowly dawned on me…… this was a small airfield in the middle of the dessert with only 2 planes arriving or departing a day. Therefore, everyone buggered off home between the flights and the airport was closed.

So, I surmised, my situation was thus:

1) I am in the middle of the dessert out side a closed airport which probably wont open for another 4 ½ hrs!

2) Its 50 degrees celsius and the sun won’t set for another hour and a half when the temperature will maybe drop to 40 degrees!!

3) I’m wearing a suit and have no food or water!!!

4) I’m in the middle of a region known for Al Qaeda camps. No one is about and I could be abducted/shot/beaten up (take your choice) and no one would be any the wise!!!!

5) My mobile phone did not have a signal, so I couldn’t call my Saudi friend or even a taxi to take me back to a hotel!!!!!

6) Oh shit, bollocks, arseholes!!!!!!!

Hmm… I thought, trying to subdue the rising panic, perhaps today is going to go tits up after all!

Realising there was nothing I could do, I removed my jacket and tie and sat on the pavement keeping in as much shade as possible. I took out my book (an Arthur C Clarke novel) and began to read, already sweating profusely.

…..And there I stayed for the next 3 hours. Christ it was hot! Christ I needed some water!...... but the book was good.

At 8.30pm there were at last some developments. A military police vehicle drove past, but didn’t stop. 10 minutes later it drove past again without stopping. 10 minutes later in cam back once again and decided to stop.

Two Saudi Royal Air force Security officer got out of the car and approached me. I stood up and began to walk over to them. Worryingly, I noticed both were carrying AK47 assault rifle. One of the soldiers shouted at me in Arabic..

Oh bollocks…its Jubail customs all over again.

I tried to explain using a mixture of hand signals and gestures that I was waiting for a flight at 11pm, but the airport was closed. The soldiers seemed very cross, but eventually one of them seemed to realise I was waiting for a flight. The soldiers talked to each other for a minute, went back to their car and drove off!! I was so surprised I forgot to ask if they had any water I could drink.

I sat back down and got back to my book.

Ten minutes later and the soldiers were back. In broken English one said “ Go, go. You no allowed here!!” I got the gist and again tried to explain I had no where to go. They then shouted something in Arabic again, but I couldn’t understand. I apologised for being so stupid.

One of the soldiers made a call on his phone and after a few minutes handed the phone to me. “Speak. Captain!”

I took the phone… “Hello??” I ventured.

I was answered by a Saudi who spoke perfect English. He explained he was the soldiers Captain in the Saudi Royal Air force. I explained my situation and he was very understanding. He was delighted when he realised I was from England as he had learned to fly at RAF Cranwell. I explained that my father had been in the RAF and had also trained at RAF Cranwell. This delighted him even more and we ended up having a good chinwag. Eventually he explained that the Saudi Royal Air force were responsible for patrolling the airport.

He said it was very dangerous for me to be waiting in the open. He also explained that the airport would not open until 10pm (another hour). I advised that I would just wait outside as I had nowhere else to go. He wasn’t happy and said he would see what he could do. And I passed the phone back to the soldiers who got back in their car and rove off again.

I sat back down. Oh well only another hour to go I thought. Back to the book.

5 minutes later, the soldiers were back with an annoyed looking airport employee. He opened the entrance door to the airport and let me into the air conditioned paradise that was the departure lounge…Bliss. Grumpily, he explained that the Air Force Captain had insisted that he open up the entire airport an hour early to let me in. He even gave me 2 bottles of water to quench my thirst.

I thanked him and the 2 soldiers profusely and sat down to wait another 2 hours for my flight.

Sadly things didn’t end happily as the flight was delayed by an hour and the pilot did his best to try and crash the plane when landing at Riyadh. I eventually crawled into bed at 3am knowing I had to get up at 6am to go back to work.

NAS air - Don't fly with these cowboys!!

At least, I reflected the next day, I hadn’t died of dehydration, been abducted, killed or arrested by the police…close call though!