Brainwashed??

Last night while flicking through the TV channels I was intrigued by a Lebanese TV debate regarding women’s rights in Saudi Arabia.

The wonderfully articulate woman and the increasingly uncomfortable looking man make gratifying viewing. What was most interesting however was her claim that Saudis are brainwashed which got me thinking. My conclusion was that of course they are. The vast majority of Saudis are practically zombies. Automatons. Drones.

……But then so are the rest of us!

Us English are brainwashed into believing that Britain is "great", the British Empire was a good thing, that we are a tolerant and fair playing nation and that our soldiers and innocents in Iraq are dying to eradicate terrorism rather than to help the Americans to get hold of their oil. We are taught that we have a noble and heroic spirit. "Never has so much been owed by so many to so few"

Americans are probably the most brainwashed nation in the world in my view. They are brainwashed into believing that America is "beautiful", the American Empire is a good thing, God will bless America, That America is a democracy and not a virtual Police state, Christianity is the way, God is always on their side and that innocents in Iraq are dying for "democracy" rather than to make corporate America even richer. They also have a noble and heroic spirit. "Remember the Alamo"

This is all nonsense.

Our schools don't teach us how to think, they teach us one version of events as fact which most of us just accept. They want us to be patriotic, cause no trouble and pay our taxes. Free thinkers don't make good citizens nor good employees.

If you want to learn how to think for yourself you're on your own!

My personal view is that if you want your eye’s opened, travel the world and experience other countries and cultures for real. Get a different viewpoint and make make your own mind up. This is perhaps the UK’s potential lifeline. I think that most intelligent Brit’s do travel regularly and immerse themselves in other cultures enough to see when they are being brainwashed most of the time.

I do worry about the Americans though. When I watch their TV which is very unsubtly brainwashing them from birth I hold my head in my hands in despair. Is it any wonder that only 20% of Americans have a passport? I note that the nominee for the Republican vice president only obtained a passport 2 years ago and has never left North America!!!

How can she possibly have a foreign policy if she has never set foot outside her own country where she has been brainwashed since birth that America is the greatest nation in the world (I’ve been there and trust me on this…It is not….its not even in the top 10 in my view) and that everyone in the world want to be an American.

Brainwashed Saudis, brainwashed English, brainwashed everyone, I wish you luck.

Bugs

I've come to accept that as part of living in a new country, unusual illnesses will strike whilst my body is being introduced to all the local bugs.

In Saudi I don't get the familiar Western-style colds or flu, instead I get savaged by Arabic superbugs that take a perverse delight in attacking my ill-prepared European body.

I also beleive that the standards of cleanliness in restaurants is not up to the standard we would generally enjoy back home

When they strike I'm either bed-ridden or toilet-ridden or both and in classic male style I end up feeling very sorry for myself.

On one occasion when I first arrived here, I felt really ill and thought I would have to seek medical attention. "My God, I'll have to drive myself to the hospital! Can I drive whilst sitting on a potty?!"

Is this why the driving here is so crazy? Because lots of men with diarrhoea are rushing to their doctors?! Thankfully half a packet of Imodium sorted me out and I managed to avoid going to the hospital.
It's another consideration when pondering a move to Saudi, especially if you’re Western as the shock of the climate often makes new arrivals ill. Don't be surprised if you struggle for a while.

We do have 24 hour pharmacies here, but for me drugs are no substitute for having a medicinal brandy...

Ghutra's and Toilet Habits

The Ghutra is the headscarf that all Arab men where on their heads. Tea towel jokes aside, it is a dapper item of clothing (especially the red and white version) and looks good on the Arab men.

When I first arrived in Riyadh I accidentally dried my hands on one hanging in the toilet as I didn’t realise what it was. I’m glad its owner was too busy to notice and from a safe distance I now apologise.

These days I know a lot more about the ghutra and recently discovered yet another of its important functions.

Driving back from work in Khobar a couple of weeks ago I had to stop to use the toilet at the service station. Now I had been warned that the public toilets might not be the most salubrious but I was still dismayed by the strong aromas and explicit visuals that greeted me.

All the toilets were the hole-in-the-ground/stand-and-deliver style. There were three cubicles. The first toilet was flooded (not with water) and the second toilet was full to overflowing (not with liquid).

Generally when a westerner sees one of those squatting toilets their hearts sink. I’m no different. I know it’s meant to be healthier for you, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I don't get the physics. I am not sure which bit should go where or when or how. The custom here seems to be to squat and then use a hose (and then a paper towel) to clean yourself off. Fair enough, you probably come out a lot cleaner than those of us that use the western “scratch and sniff” approach.

But when the hose is used the floor ends up soaking wet and as a westerner a toilet with a wet floor only means one thing - someone has a bad aim. I know it’s not the case but I just can’t stop myself from tip-toeing into the toilet with dismay.

There’s one guy at work who always turns on the hand blow-dryer before he "drops the kids off at the pool." I guess he’s shy.

I think the oddest thing I’ve seen in the toilet so far is the chap who was holding his keyboard under a running tap in order to clean it. I didn’t have the heart to stop him. I have visions of him going back to his PC, plugging in his keyboard and thinking "hmm it’s still not working; it must still be dirty…"

Anyway, as I stood in the service station toilet, carefully considered my options, a chap came out of the third toilet wearing his ghutra tightly wrapped around his nose to block out the smell. I felt a twinge of jealousy and endeavoured to hold my breath as I did battle with the second cubicle.

Once I was done I stumbled out of the cubicle a lighter shade of blue and fled outside at high speed. The desert air has never tasted so sweet.

That’s the problem with the desert of course, no trees to hide behind whilst relieving yourself!

Cartoons - "Offense Level" raised

The campaign against Danish Cartoons continues unabated. Its now what, 2 years since the Danish press published the cartoons, however I am proud to announce that today, the "Arab News" had no less than three articles about this issue!

However, the most important news is that the Muslim "Offense Level" has been raised.

Just to remind you what the various levels mean:

LOW

Meaning - We are slightly miffed, although we are not sure why. We think we are not as popular as we would like to be.

Non-Muslim response - Tread very carefully and do not offend us

Consequence of non-compliance - We will get very cross and stamp our feet



GUARDED

Meaning - We are quite offended, because people are generally picking on us.

Non-Muslim response - Stop making jokes about us

Consequence of non-compliance - We will rant on about "Islamophobia" and "Orientalism", although we don't understand what those words really mean



ELEVATED

Meaning - We are definitely cross, because people keep blaming us for 9/11, Parisian cars getting torched, Saudi women getting stoned

Non-Muslim response - Pretend that these things have nothing to do with Islam or Muslims, tell everyone how we brought algebra to 9th Century Spain

Consequence of non-compliance - We will cause even more mayhem. Did you leave your car out in the street?



HIGH

Meaning - We are extremely offended by a particular individual or country

Non-Muslim response - That individual or country must apologize

Consequence of non-compliance - Individual; Fatwa, assassination, or both. Country; Boycott (unless you export things the Saudi Royal Family are consumers of), and Saudi newspapers write a long string of boring and repetitive articles that you will never read but will drive Saudi readers to distraction.



SEVERE

Meaning - We have had enough of your rudeness and ridicule and have gone completely ballistic

Non-Muslim response - We demand that the Pope and President Bush go down on their knees and apologize personally for every rude thing that everyone has ever said about us over the last 1400 years, and promise that it won't happen again

Consequence of non-compliance - We will cease the export of oil, therefore depriving the numerous Saudi Royal Family of all income, we will cease the import of all cars, tanks, airplanes (military and civil), computers, building technology, infrastructure and general professional expertise, and we will stop visiting Western fleshpots like the South of France, the USA, London..... Honest. We will. We really mean it this time. Just you wait. We really will. You better believe it. We're not kidding. We're telling you. Honest. Don't make us do it.....

Anyway, perhaps parlty due to this very posting we are now on....

....so watch out!!!!

Saudi Driving Masterclass No. 7

As many of you must know by now, I have left Riyadh and from now on I will be living once again in Manama city, Bahrain. I will still be working in Saudi Arabia, which means that I will daily have to cross the Causeway and queue for endless hours at Immigration Island….however, I am over the moon to be back in Bahrain for many reasons. No more illegal booze that sends you blind, No more Brown Coats (that’s the Compound Entertainment staff) pointing their AK-47’s in my directions as I try and get to my own flat and best of all……no more ludicrously crazy Riyadh driving.

Compared to Riyadh the driving in Al Khobar and Bahrain is practically civilised.

On my last night in Riyadh I was caught up in horrible traffic jams on the Eastern bypass. When I eventually arrived at my flat, I switched on the local radio news station to find out the cause of the traffic jams was a high speed RTA involving several fatalities.

That night it was a couple of Porsche 911’s but it could have been a Ferrari, a Lamborghini or a supercharged American racer.

A group of young men had gathered on an empty road on the fringes of the desert to watch the latest craze in the oil-rich Middle East — illegal road racing.

Two cars swing into position on the impromptu starting grid. From vantage points nearby, lookouts keep watch for police vehicles. Two more cars move into position behind the racers to act as a rolling roadblock and hamper any pursuit. A glance, a nod and the drivers floor the accelerators and disappear into the night in a cloud of acrid smoke from burning tyres, reaching speeds of up to 180mph. For the drivers, this is a chance to show off their prowess but it often leads to injury or death as it did on this occasion.

Throughout the Middle East a heady mix of high incomes, illegal alcohol, youthful boredom and a plentiful supply of highly tuned, high-performance cars have made the white-knuckle races a cult.

I know I keep banging on about the awful driving in Riyadh, and now I’ve left I will just make final mention of three experiences of driving in Riyadh.

I was driving along the Riyadh Ring Road one afternoon when I saw an elderly Chevvy about 200 meters ahead. It was being driven OK, but I couldn't see any driver. When I got closer I still couldn't see a driver.

I overtook, to see that it was being driven by a schoolboy coming home from school. WTF??????

He can't have been older than 12, and he was peering over the top of the wheel. With him were three school chums, equally small. The whole thing was completely surreal. They were all sitting so demurely and quietly, that if I'd shut my eyes, I could have imagined them as Miss Daisy driving her friends to the Sewing Guild at the Baptist Church.

Was he old enough to drive? Was he bollocks! but Daddy had obviously given him the use of a car.

Similar place, similar time. I spot a 4x4 ahead. It is weaving around a bit, but more or less staying within its lane. But something in the back seems to be writhing around. It's like one of those sci-fi movies where an octopus-like alien has taken control.

As I get closer, the writhing resolves into the sight of at least five Pre-school age children who are having a great game, jumping backwards and forwards over the back of a passenger seat. I get closer, and observe the abaya'd and veiled mother looking ahead, oblivious.

What does father think of all this? As I go past I see that he's driving with his left arm, the same one that is holding his one-year-old son on his lap, leaving his right arm free for his mobile, into which he is talking with great animation!!

This is not a rare event. I would often see young unrestrained children clambering around inside a vehicle on the highways. The parents just let them get on with it. They either don’t care or are so stupid they cannot envisage what would happen to their children in the event of an accident.

In early August I was waiting at a set of traffic lights, at the back of one of four lanes of traffic. I spotted movement in the rear-view mirror and realise it is some sort of a road-rage incident. A passenger car and one of those 12-seater bus-taxis are coming up from behind, weaving from side to side across the road as if to ram or avoid the other. Oh Shit!

It seemed inevitable that in about six seconds I was going to be rear-ended while I sat here, meaning the rest of my day and possibly night would be spent in the Police Station sorting out the insurance paperwork, unless I am fortunate enough to get a whiplash injury and end up in the hospital instead!

I brace myself for the inevitable. At the last moment, the car speeds into the empty "right-turn-only" lane with tyres emitting smoke and squeals.

The bus-taxi was still coming approaching at speed from behind, but managed to stop by turning sideways on and removing all the rubber from his tyres. He is literally one meter from my rear window. As I breathed with relief I observed several assorted Filipino and Egyptian passengers, now shouting angrily at the driver.

I always said that Taxi drivers are the best drivers in the world…..hmmm….. This guy decided to have a ding dong with another vehicle and put his paying passengers at risk!

Finally, and this is not a single experience, it's a guaranteed weekly one. Wednesday or Thursday evening (the Western equivalent of Friday or Saturday night) on the Northern Ring Road of Riyadh, heading east.

At the far east end of the road is a collection of car rest-stops frequented by youngsters who like to race their cars and get drunk in the desert.

So driving home from work the boy-racers are all on the same road as me, anxious to get there. So which lane do I drive in to avoid the boy-racers?

Not the inside lane, it is too dangerous because they pull out from the slip roads without checking for other traffic in the lane they are joining.

Definitely not the outside lane. It’s too dangerous because they still overtake you there, using the emergency outside lane that is not quite wide enough for a car, so you are caught by their slipstream and the gravel they throw up. They are nose-to-tail in the emergency lane, of course.

So the middle lane is the best compromise. Unfortunately, Now I provide a good spatial reference for the boy-racers who are alternating between inside and outside lanes in their bid to get past each other. It makes me feel like one of those orange-and-white cones in some mad slalom as they scissor around me from either side. I actually spend more time looking in the mirror than forwards, because it is from behind that Death will come.

Occasionally, I notice a police car ahead. He is doing absolutely nothing about these one-a-second violations. Why? Well many of the cars involved are Mercedes, and the cops' logic goes like this.

"The Princes drive Mercedes"

"That car was a Mercedes"

"That car was driven by a Prince"

I promise that this will defiantly be my last Saudi Driving Masterclass posting as each time I publish another near death experience, it tends to make my family and friends back home home nervous.

Finally, a friend of mine compared driving in Riyadh the first time to the Charge of the Light Brigade (by Alfred Tennyson) into the Valley of Death…….

Half a league, half a league,

Half a league onward,

All in the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!

"Charge for the guns!" he said:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"

Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the soldier knew

Someone had blunder'd:

Their's not to make reply,

Their's not to reason why,

Their's but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon in front of them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with shot and shell,

Boldly they rode and well,

Into the jaws of Death,

Into the mouth of Hell

Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,

Flash'd as they turn'd in air,

Sabring the gunners there,

Charging an army, while

All the world wonder'd:

Plunged in the battery-smoke

Right thro' the line they broke;

Cossack and RussianReel'd from the sabre stroke

Shatter'd and sunder'd.

Then they rode back, but not

Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon behind them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with shot and shell,

While horse and hero fell,

They that had fought so well

Came thro' the jaws of Death

Back from the mouth of Hell,

All that was left of them,

Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?

O the wild charge they made!

All the world wondered.

Honor the charge they made,

Honor the Light Brigade,

Noble six hundred

The Congestion Charge of the Light Brigade!!! ha ha :-)

Myths About KSA No. 5 - All Saudis are Rich and Drive New Cars.

As ever the media has a lot to answer for.

The only Saudi images I ever saw in the West were of rich people and palatial settings. All I was told is that vast amounts of oil money flood into the country, there is no tax here and women are oppressed.
It reminds me of how amused I was when I saw England portrayed in the USA as an idyllic green land of historic buildings, quaint people playing cricket and cucumber sandwiches at high tea. (Good work, tourism board!)

Obviously rich Saudis and historic English buildings exist (hell, even the cucumber sandwiches exist) but they’re not an accurate representation of the whole. So you’ll have to forgive the Westerner who assumes from afar that all Saudis are wealthy. It’s stupid of course, but assumptions often are when they’re based on bad information.

There is plenty of hardship here in Riyadh. I frequently see people begging by the side of the road. Our cultures may have their differences but from what I’ve seen I’d estimate that the Saudis give money to beggars about as frequently as the English. Still, nothing wrong with being a tightarse, eh?

Its also important to remeber that the vast majority of the people living in this coutry are not Saudis. The poor workers from Bangladesh and the Phillopines have to work 12 hour days 6 days a week to earn just US$ 60 a month.

I cannot remember if I read this on an informational Web site or in the Lonely Planet: “Second-hand cars are expensive in Saudi Arabia because Saudis like to buy a new car at least once every two years.” I am not sure I even understand the logic.

Anyway, having had so many near crashes with hunks of rust swerving across the road at a high velocity (old Toyota Cressida, anyone?) I can safely dismiss this as a myth.

In fact, even though cars are very cheap here, you don’t see many prestige cars. I estimate that over 90% of the cars are Japaneese or American (specifically Toyota and GM). I see the occasional BMW but never any Merc's, Porshes, Bentlys, Rollers etc. I suppose this is becasue people are reluctant to spend money on a nice car that gets scratched and dented moments after being driven out of the showroom.