As many of you must know by now, I have left Riyadh and from now on I will be living once again in Manama city, Bahrain. I will still be working in Saudi Arabia, which means that I will daily have to cross the Causeway and queue for endless hours at Immigration Island….however, I am over the moon to be back in Bahrain for many reasons. No more illegal booze that sends you blind, No more Brown Coats (that’s the Compound Entertainment staff) pointing their AK-47’s in my directions as I try and get to my own flat and best of all……no more ludicrously crazy Riyadh driving.
Compared to Riyadh the driving in Al Khobar and Bahrain is practically civilised.
On my last night in Riyadh I was caught up in horrible traffic jams on the Eastern bypass. When I eventually arrived at my flat, I switched on the local radio news station to find out the cause of the traffic jams was a high speed RTA involving several fatalities.
That night it was a couple of Porsche 911’s but it could have been a Ferrari, a Lamborghini or a supercharged American racer.
A group of young men had gathered on an empty road on the fringes of the desert to watch the latest craze in the oil-rich Middle East — illegal road racing.
Two cars swing into position on the impromptu starting grid. From vantage points nearby, lookouts keep watch for police vehicles. Two more cars move into position behind the racers to act as a rolling roadblock and hamper any pursuit. A glance, a nod and the drivers floor the accelerators and disappear into the night in a cloud of acrid smoke from burning tyres, reaching speeds of up to 180mph. For the drivers, this is a chance to show off their prowess but it often leads to injury or death as it did on this occasion.
Throughout the Middle East a heady mix of high incomes, illegal alcohol, youthful boredom and a plentiful supply of highly tuned, high-performance cars have made the white-knuckle races a cult.
I know I keep banging on about the awful driving in Riyadh, and now I’ve left I will just make final mention of three experiences of driving in Riyadh.
Compared to Riyadh the driving in Al Khobar and Bahrain is practically civilised.
On my last night in Riyadh I was caught up in horrible traffic jams on the Eastern bypass. When I eventually arrived at my flat, I switched on the local radio news station to find out the cause of the traffic jams was a high speed RTA involving several fatalities.
That night it was a couple of Porsche 911’s but it could have been a Ferrari, a Lamborghini or a supercharged American racer.
A group of young men had gathered on an empty road on the fringes of the desert to watch the latest craze in the oil-rich Middle East — illegal road racing.
Two cars swing into position on the impromptu starting grid. From vantage points nearby, lookouts keep watch for police vehicles. Two more cars move into position behind the racers to act as a rolling roadblock and hamper any pursuit. A glance, a nod and the drivers floor the accelerators and disappear into the night in a cloud of acrid smoke from burning tyres, reaching speeds of up to 180mph. For the drivers, this is a chance to show off their prowess but it often leads to injury or death as it did on this occasion.
Throughout the Middle East a heady mix of high incomes, illegal alcohol, youthful boredom and a plentiful supply of highly tuned, high-performance cars have made the white-knuckle races a cult.
I know I keep banging on about the awful driving in Riyadh, and now I’ve left I will just make final mention of three experiences of driving in Riyadh.
I was driving along the Riyadh Ring Road one afternoon when I saw an elderly Chevvy about 200 meters ahead. It was being driven OK, but I couldn't see any driver. When I got closer I still couldn't see a driver.
I overtook, to see that it was being driven by a schoolboy coming home from school. WTF??????
He can't have been older than 12, and he was peering over the top of the wheel. With him were three school chums, equally small. The whole thing was completely surreal. They were all sitting so demurely and quietly, that if I'd shut my eyes, I could have imagined them as Miss Daisy driving her friends to the Sewing Guild at the Baptist Church.
Was he old enough to drive? Was he bollocks! but Daddy had obviously given him the use of a car.
I overtook, to see that it was being driven by a schoolboy coming home from school. WTF??????
He can't have been older than 12, and he was peering over the top of the wheel. With him were three school chums, equally small. The whole thing was completely surreal. They were all sitting so demurely and quietly, that if I'd shut my eyes, I could have imagined them as Miss Daisy driving her friends to the Sewing Guild at the Baptist Church.
Was he old enough to drive? Was he bollocks! but Daddy had obviously given him the use of a car.
Similar place, similar time. I spot a 4x4 ahead. It is weaving around a bit, but more or less staying within its lane. But something in the back seems to be writhing around. It's like one of those sci-fi movies where an octopus-like alien has taken control.
As I get closer, the writhing resolves into the sight of at least five Pre-school age children who are having a great game, jumping backwards and forwards over the back of a passenger seat. I get closer, and observe the abaya'd and veiled mother looking ahead, oblivious.
What does father think of all this? As I go past I see that he's driving with his left arm, the same one that is holding his one-year-old son on his lap, leaving his right arm free for his mobile, into which he is talking with great animation!!
This is not a rare event. I would often see young unrestrained children clambering around inside a vehicle on the highways. The parents just let them get on with it. They either don’t care or are so stupid they cannot envisage what would happen to their children in the event of an accident.
As I get closer, the writhing resolves into the sight of at least five Pre-school age children who are having a great game, jumping backwards and forwards over the back of a passenger seat. I get closer, and observe the abaya'd and veiled mother looking ahead, oblivious.
What does father think of all this? As I go past I see that he's driving with his left arm, the same one that is holding his one-year-old son on his lap, leaving his right arm free for his mobile, into which he is talking with great animation!!
This is not a rare event. I would often see young unrestrained children clambering around inside a vehicle on the highways. The parents just let them get on with it. They either don’t care or are so stupid they cannot envisage what would happen to their children in the event of an accident.
In early August I was waiting at a set of traffic lights, at the back of one of four lanes of traffic. I spotted movement in the rear-view mirror and realise it is some sort of a road-rage incident. A passenger car and one of those 12-seater bus-taxis are coming up from behind, weaving from side to side across the road as if to ram or avoid the other. Oh Shit!
It seemed inevitable that in about six seconds I was going to be rear-ended while I sat here, meaning the rest of my day and possibly night would be spent in the Police Station sorting out the insurance paperwork, unless I am fortunate enough to get a whiplash injury and end up in the hospital instead!
I brace myself for the inevitable. At the last moment, the car speeds into the empty "right-turn-only" lane with tyres emitting smoke and squeals.
The bus-taxi was still coming approaching at speed from behind, but managed to stop by turning sideways on and removing all the rubber from his tyres. He is literally one meter from my rear window. As I breathed with relief I observed several assorted Filipino and Egyptian passengers, now shouting angrily at the driver.
I always said that Taxi drivers are the best drivers in the world…..hmmm….. This guy decided to have a ding dong with another vehicle and put his paying passengers at risk!
It seemed inevitable that in about six seconds I was going to be rear-ended while I sat here, meaning the rest of my day and possibly night would be spent in the Police Station sorting out the insurance paperwork, unless I am fortunate enough to get a whiplash injury and end up in the hospital instead!
I brace myself for the inevitable. At the last moment, the car speeds into the empty "right-turn-only" lane with tyres emitting smoke and squeals.
The bus-taxi was still coming approaching at speed from behind, but managed to stop by turning sideways on and removing all the rubber from his tyres. He is literally one meter from my rear window. As I breathed with relief I observed several assorted Filipino and Egyptian passengers, now shouting angrily at the driver.
I always said that Taxi drivers are the best drivers in the world…..hmmm….. This guy decided to have a ding dong with another vehicle and put his paying passengers at risk!
Finally, and this is not a single experience, it's a guaranteed weekly one. Wednesday or Thursday evening (the Western equivalent of Friday or Saturday night) on the Northern Ring Road of Riyadh, heading east.
At the far east end of the road is a collection of car rest-stops frequented by youngsters who like to race their cars and get drunk in the desert.
So driving home from work the boy-racers are all on the same road as me, anxious to get there. So which lane do I drive in to avoid the boy-racers?
Not the inside lane, it is too dangerous because they pull out from the slip roads without checking for other traffic in the lane they are joining.
Definitely not the outside lane. It’s too dangerous because they still overtake you there, using the emergency outside lane that is not quite wide enough for a car, so you are caught by their slipstream and the gravel they throw up. They are nose-to-tail in the emergency lane, of course.
So the middle lane is the best compromise. Unfortunately, Now I provide a good spatial reference for the boy-racers who are alternating between inside and outside lanes in their bid to get past each other. It makes me feel like one of those orange-and-white cones in some mad slalom as they scissor around me from either side. I actually spend more time looking in the mirror than forwards, because it is from behind that Death will come.
Occasionally, I notice a police car ahead. He is doing absolutely nothing about these one-a-second violations. Why? Well many of the cars involved are Mercedes, and the cops' logic goes like this.
At the far east end of the road is a collection of car rest-stops frequented by youngsters who like to race their cars and get drunk in the desert.
So driving home from work the boy-racers are all on the same road as me, anxious to get there. So which lane do I drive in to avoid the boy-racers?
Not the inside lane, it is too dangerous because they pull out from the slip roads without checking for other traffic in the lane they are joining.
Definitely not the outside lane. It’s too dangerous because they still overtake you there, using the emergency outside lane that is not quite wide enough for a car, so you are caught by their slipstream and the gravel they throw up. They are nose-to-tail in the emergency lane, of course.
So the middle lane is the best compromise. Unfortunately, Now I provide a good spatial reference for the boy-racers who are alternating between inside and outside lanes in their bid to get past each other. It makes me feel like one of those orange-and-white cones in some mad slalom as they scissor around me from either side. I actually spend more time looking in the mirror than forwards, because it is from behind that Death will come.
Occasionally, I notice a police car ahead. He is doing absolutely nothing about these one-a-second violations. Why? Well many of the cars involved are Mercedes, and the cops' logic goes like this.
"The Princes drive Mercedes"
"That car was a Mercedes"
"That car was driven by a Prince"
I promise that this will defiantly be my last Saudi Driving Masterclass posting as each time I publish another near death experience, it tends to make my family and friends back home home nervous.
Finally, a friend of mine compared driving in Riyadh the first time to the Charge of the Light Brigade (by Alfred Tennyson) into the Valley of Death…….
I promise that this will defiantly be my last Saudi Driving Masterclass posting as each time I publish another near death experience, it tends to make my family and friends back home home nervous.
Finally, a friend of mine compared driving in Riyadh the first time to the Charge of the Light Brigade (by Alfred Tennyson) into the Valley of Death…….
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and RussianReel'd from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred
The Congestion Charge of the Light Brigade!!! ha ha :-)
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