Boydell Almost Gets Shot! No. 1

Due to an unfortunate comedy of errors, yours truly had a close encounter of the brown underpants kind at King Fahad Industrial Port in Al Jubail earlier this week.

I had travelled up to Al Jubail to look at a petro-chemical vessel which had been damaged whilst being unloaded from a cargo ship (what an exciting job I have eh??)

I had been warned that gaining access to the Port was particularly difficult. My local “Fixer”, Hameed had been trying to obtain a pass for me for several days with no success. The cargo company I was visiting in Al Jubail equally had been banging their heads against the brick wall that is Saudi Arabian red tape. (Welcome to the Magic Kingdom!)

In the end the cargo company agreed that they would pick me up outside the Port and try and smuggle me inside in one of their company vehicles. “Just park up on the Port entrance road and wait for us to come and get you. We will get you inside……Inshsa Allah!!”

All was going relatively well. I had successfully driven the 100 km to Al Jubail without getting lost and finding myself in the deep desert. I even found my way to the Port entrance road without any problems. I pulled up and parked my car along the side of the road about 200 yards awat from the Port Customs checkpoint and called the client to come and get me.

All seemed to have gone very smoothly I was thinking to myself.

After about 10 minutes parked along the side of the road, I noticed 2 customs officers at the checkpoint taking an interest in me. I say customs officers, but these were not the sort of customs officers you come across in the UK. These were more of the “ In full soldier uniform carrying MP5 machine guns” kind.

Another 10 minutes passed. The 2 customs officers started walking towards me. “ Oh bollocks!” I thought to myself as they appeared to check that there machine guns were fully loaded.

I did what I thought best. I wound down my window and smiled in a friendly way and said “Sallam Alay Kom” in greeting.

This didn’t have the effect I was expecting. The customs officer nearest to me started shouting at me in Arabic and pointed his gun at me! “Oh Shit!”

My hands go up and I try to explain in English why I am there. Unfortunately they didn’t speak English and they got more infuriated. They both start shouting at me and the second guy clears the chamber of his gun and also points it in the general direction of my head.

“Oh shit, shit, shit!!” I think. While the first guy was shouting at me, I pick up the word “Iquama” which means visa, so I pass him my passport. He takes it from me and he disappears while his friend keeps shouting and pointing his gun at me. I keep trying to explain who I am, but of course neither of us understands each other.

After 5 minutes the first guy comes back, he’s obviously angry because I have a valid Visa and therefore he has no reason to put me in a cell. He checks the car and my briefcase thoroughly.

“Away!” he angrily shouts to me in broken English. I start up the car to turn around and leave Al Jubail when I realise he still has my passport!

“My Iquama?” I ask. “Go, go!” he shouts louder. “No, I need my passport, my Iquama”. He shouts something to his friend and produces my passport which he throws through the window at me.

I drive away relieved that I have avoided either being shot or soiling my underpants. Having two machine guns trained on you by angry Arabs was not the most pleasant experience I have had since coming to KSA.

About an hour later I did eventually get sneaked into the Port past the same customs officers.

I’m still not sure what made them so angry. After all, I was parked up on a public road alongside other cars and I don’t think I look like your average terrorist.

I wouldn’t mind, but there is nothing worth protecting in the Port anyway.

I live to have guns menacingly pointed at me another day……YEAH!!!