Justins Saudi Adventure!: Arrival in Style!!!

Saturday 10 May 2008

Arrival in Style!!!

After much anticipation I touched down at Bahrain airport early on Friday morning. Having been warned about the customs I was expecting problems! I had been warned that it would take up to 2 hours to get through customs as they go through all baggage. Well thats Bollocks!! I must have had luck on my side because my case was the first on the carosel and and I was waved through customs in less than 30 seconds....literally!!! I now wish I hadn't deleted all that pornography from my laptops HDD now!!!!

Things went a bit pear shaped aftter I landed. My new boss picked me up from the airport and whilst driving back to his house, he ran out of petrol......in the middle lane of the motorway!! "hmmm...." I thought, "This is some slick organisation I've joined!" We ended pushing his vehicle, which of course is a huge American 4x4 to the side of the motorway whilst the local tried to take us out at high speed!!! We only had to wait an hour for rescue, but seeing as the tempreture was 40'c, it wasnt the best introduction to my new employers.

I really like Bahrain. It's more laid back than Saudi........and I can drink a beer here too!. My first impressions of Saudi Arabia are also surprisingly good which I know may come as a surprise to some people.

OK, so to get to my office in Al Khobar I have to stop at 3 checkpoints where Saudi soldier inspects the car and all the contents for bombs whilst another soldier keeps his rifle trained on me .....just in case I decided to launch a full scale attack you understand!. I also have to pass 3 machine gun emplacements down the main entrance road to the office compund which is known as Machine Gun Alley (Nice!). It's not the presence of the machine guns that worrys me so much, afterall, they are there to protect us. What makes me uncomfortable is that the machine guns are manned by beady eyed soldiers who keep my moving car in target as I proceed up the road. Its almost as if he's trying to decide whether or not I pose a threat, armed as I am with a breifcase. (Im just hoping the machine gunners dont get too bored and decide to liven things up by taking a pot shot!!). I do wonder what would happen if terrorist did attack the compound. You have to wonder whether the Saudi Soldiers would fire at their own people to protect a bunch of foriegners.

And if Im honest, its only fair to say that some of the Saudi's drive like Michael Schummacher on LSD, but then thats why the Company has given me a big 4x4 to use in Saudi..... so the other cars just bounce off!

However, overall the Saudi's have all been incredibly freindly and good natured so far and the perception spouted in the British media that they are all religous Al Quada fanatics is just plain nonsense. Just yesterday, I was having a nice chat to a Saudi that I met whilst queing for some fish and chips in a Mall in Al Khobar. (Would you believe it? Proper, and I mean proper, fish & chips in Saudi!)

My flat in Manama City on the Island of Bahrain is great. Its only a 1 bedroom flat, but its fully serviced and next door to my flat on the 10th floor is a pool and great gym. check out the photos on the sidebar.

Im missing all my freinds and family an awful lot, but I cant help but feel that im at the start of a great adventure!!!!

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Glossary

Abaya - A long black robe designed to cover all of a woman's body
Haram - "Forbidden"
Istemarah - Car registration
Khalas - Finished, the end
Mushkilla - Problem
Muttawa - Religious policeman, the "authority for the promotion of virtue and prevention of vice"
Throbe - Traditional dress for Arabic men
Ghutra - The tea-towel like headscarf worn by men
Iqual - The black band that holds the ghutra in place
Wasta(h) - Having powerful social connections
Insha’allah – God willing
Insha'allah Bakora - Tomorrow god willing ......or definetly not tomorrow in my experience, more likely next month, if you're lucky!
Iqama - Visa

Monty Python Sketch

Although its not anything to do with living in the Middle East, I find the following Monty Python Sketch hilarious and pub lish it in the hope it also brings a smile to your face:

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You're right there, Obadiah.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o' cold tea.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, an' all.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was right.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

ALL:
They won't!

Justins Saudi Adventure!

Saturday 10 May 2008

Arrival in Style!!!

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About Me

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Current Muslim Offence Level

Monty Python Sketch

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